This is my crazy journey of desperation of finding love, of learning about myself and other people, and accepting me for who I am. My Grandmother's death; her memory, my longing to see her again, my brother's death, seeing what makes us as individuals, our goals, our way of seeing life. How we all feel love differently. And especially for me, finding and realizing that the only peace of mind comes within myself, even though you hear some idiots telling you that, some of us keep ignoring it.
I still crave Love, I'm still hopeful, just not crazy about it anymore... I can control my desperation for it now, along with other emotions, I still can't control missing her... I wouldn't be who I am without her.
------------------------------------------------------
non compos mentis
non compos mentis (not sane or in one's right mind) In medieval and early modern Britain, the term non compos mentis was often related to religious or mysterious phenomena such as diabolical influence. From the seventeenth century, the condition was increasingly viewed as a mental illness, also described as insanity or madness.
In English law, non compos mentis was a juristic term to describe a person's action as not motivated by reason, but being influenced by some false image or mental impression.[2] Non compos mentis and felo de se (the Latin word for "self-murder") presented two different verdicts in the case of a suicide.
Although typically used in law, this term can also be used metaphorically or figuratively; e.g. when one is in a confused state, intoxicated, or similarly mentally impaired. It usually refers to a person has no rational mind or judgement, and whose behaviour is nonsense.
(Excerpt from Wikipedia, 6.24.20)
------------------------------------------------------
I chose this, even without knowing its full meaning, I just knew that it had to do with "not being in your right mind". As I read it, it made even more sense to name this series "non compos mentis". I had also been going through a depression and it just made realize so many things-I thought it was perfect. I also think we make all the wrong choices when we are not in our right mind, out of desperation, not thinking thoroughly, or out of loneliness.
I've always had the devil in my head from childhood stories; I've always been afraid of the dark, well, I used to. My Guelita would tell us scary stories at night and one was of my Grandfather when he was a teenager, running errands at night for his mom/dad. He said that one night he was going to a town near by and he saw the devil up in a tree. That always stayed in my head.
Now as an adult, I was reading a Kabbalah book; to me it's just who you are inside, what kind of God lives inside of you, and that's what comes out of you as a person; the good, the light that's within you. Not like this religious people always citing the bible - 'cause they are empty inside. Also, the old saying " don't judge a book by its cover". And, we are our own evil, look at what we've done to each other, to this world.
And red, for the courage to be me., not thinking thoroughly, or out of loneliness.
I've always had the devil in my head from childhood stories; I've always been afraid of the dark, well, I used to. My Guelita would tell us scary stories at night and one was of my Grandfather when he was a teenager, running errands at night for his mom/dad. He said that one night he was going to a town near by and he saw the devil up in a tree. That always stayed in my head.
Now as an adult, I was reading a Kabbalah book; to me it's just who you are inside, what kind of God lives inside of you, and that's what comes out of you as a person; the good, the light that's within you. Not like this religious people always citing the bible - 'cause they are empty inside. Also, the old saying " don't judge a book by its cover". And, we are our own evil, look at what we've done to each other, to this world.
I've always had the devil in my head from childhood stories; I've always been afraid of the dark, well, I used to. My Guelita would tell us scary stories at night and one was of my Grandfather when he was a teenager, running errands at night for his mom/dad. He said that one night he was going to a town near by and he saw the devil up in a tree. That always stayed in my head.
Now as an adult, I was reading a Kabbalah book; to me it's just who you are inside, what kind of God lives inside of you, and that's what comes out of you as a person; the good, the light that's within you. Not like this religious people always citing the bible - 'cause they are empty inside. Also, the old saying " don't judge a book by its cover". And, we are our own evil, look at what we've done to each other, to this world.
And red, for the courage to be me, but mainly when my depression takes over me... the devil lurks around me...
