Disconnection of the Heart. 4.8.21
I just want to stay in the state of happiness;
I'll take it any day over love, unless it's guaranteed.
I'm tired if mouths moving and my idiot heart hearing what it wants to hear.
I should trust my eyes.
Disconnect the heart.
My ears and mind have a good understanding now, but, how do I disconnect the heart?
Maybe a pacemaker?
There would be no true connection between the heart and my mind.
Would I be able to paint?
Would I be able to love?;
all these silly myths and ideas we are led to believe...
Maybe I don't need pills.
Maybe I need a heart transplant;
I don't want this one anymore.
Why can't I just be normal?
... I forgot, I am not normal, I've never been.
I need to be happy with what God has given me; appreciate what I have.
It's who I am.
But I refuse to live in a mummified state...
drinking to numb the days...
waiting for the night...
going through the motions...
it's tiring for my soul.
I've learnt that I cannot change the past.
I'm learning to control my emotions.
If I could only stay in this state of happiness.
I need to unplug my heart, put it to sleep for now, to wait to synchronize with another,
according to the level of their empathy and compassion...
and let it be.
Whatever my luck is, has always been from my first heartbeat, that, I do believe.
I just want to stay in the state of happiness;
I'll take it any day over love, unless it's guaranteed.
I'm tired if mouths moving and my idiot heart hearing what it wants to hear.
I should trust my eyes.
Disconnect the heart.
My ears and mind have a good understanding now, but, how do I disconnect the heart?
Maybe a pacemaker?
There would be no true connection between the heart and my mind.
Would I be able to paint?
Would I be able to love?;
all these silly myths and ideas we are led to believe...
Maybe I don't need pills.
Maybe I need a heart transplant;
I don't want this one anymore.
Why can't I just be normal?
... I forgot, I am not normal, I've never been.
I need to be happy with what God has given me; appreciate what I have.
It's who I am.
But I refuse to live in a mummified state...
drinking to numb the days...
waiting for the night...
going through the motions...
it's tiring for my soul.
I've learnt that I cannot change the past.
I'm learning to control my emotions.
If I could only stay in this state of happiness.
I need to unplug my heart, put it to sleep for now, to wait to synchronize with another,
according to the level of their empathy and compassion...
and let it be.
Whatever my luck is, has always been from my first heartbeat, that, I do believe.
...Maria, La Bandida, vivirás atrapada como un genio, dentro de mi Corazón.
